230112

The school holidays are almost over and life as we know it will soon return to normal.  We have been slowly winding down after our big holiday and I think all of us are looking forward to the regular routine of school days and weekends again.  I've sorted out the clothes, hung out the bags and hunted down all the little food containers so I feel like I am well prepared.  I want to do a bit of baking before the week is out so I have a freezer full of snacks (sweet and savoury muffins, scrolls etc) but I'll wait for the heat to pass first. 

As part of my new years' resolution to work on my running I did the Resolution Run a couple of weeks ago.  I opted for the 4km route and ran it in what I feel was a decent time.  My progress has been thwarted lately by a persistent cough that has left me exhausted and frustrated, but I have high hopes that it will finally fade out by the end of this week.

 I (hand) sewed up three felt toys for the kids out of my absolute favourite craft book and I think they turned out super cute.  Daisy has been waiting for the chance to get Panda Buns for ages (her first choice was Margot) and Felix has had his eye on the Wee Town Trolley for a a while too.

In celebration of 2012 being the National Year of Reading I have decided to read several books a month on the nominated theme.  January's theme is 'Amazing read' so I decided to use that as an excuse to read the Millennium trilogy by Stieg Larsson.  I just haven't had the time to sit and read a book up to now but I really wanted to read at least the first book so I could go see the movie.  February's theme is 'Laugh' so I've selected a few autobiographies by comedians that I like (hopefully they'll be off the request queue in time!)

Finally, I bought non-nursing bra and threw out a nursing bra. This Berlei bra is so darn comfortable that I may end up stocking my entire bra drawer with them!  Who knows, maybe I'll even be able to let go of my maternity clothes by the end of the year. ;)

I'm off to finish the t-shirt and skirt I am making for myself, and the cushion I am making for Poppy (a screen printed one to matches the ones I have made D & F over the years.)  Then I can get on to the oven mitts to replace the one I made years ago that is in a terrible state of disintegration.

2012

This time last year I was exhausted but cautiously optimistic.  I had big hopes to be more organised but due to my circumstances that had to wait until about a month before Christmas (when I was completely overcommitted craftwise.)  I wanted things to get better and that took longer than expected too.  I wanted to learn to poach and egg and Cherry helped that resolution become reality at Brown Owls.  I made 2011 the year to finally sort my core muscles out and I recently started seeing a physio to achieve that goal.  I have a 3cm gap to close before I can get rid of this pot belly but I have taken the first step in achieving that.

So what are my plans this year?

1. To keep seeing my health specialists and not only listen to their advice but act on it too.  With a healthy mind and a healthy body I can achieve far more and feel better while I'm at it.

2. To run 10km without stopping.  My regular run is just about 5km so I'm looking into apps that will get me through to the next goal of 10km.  As part of this I am signing up to all the runs I can find, starting with the Resolution Run in a weeks' time. 

3.  To get more organised.  I know I said that last year but I wasn't in the right frame of mind to do it this year.  Now I have so much more mental clarity and a far better short term memory and I think I manage the task this time around.  I am rubbish at using a diary and rely very heavily on Outlook but it would be nice to know what is going on without having to switch on the computer.  We'll see if I can turn using a home management diary from a chore into a habit.

4. To focus on taking my crafting from personal fun to profitable.  I've done it before and I hated it, turning a pleasant past time into a stressful chore.  I'm going to try again and see what happens but I'm not going to ruin one of the few things that relaxes me so if I start to get jaded I will drop back to just personal crafting.

5. To stop wearing (and get rid of) all my nursing bras.  I am wearing one today in fact and although it is a cute pink and white candy striped bra it is still designed for one purpose.  I weaned Poppy a good couple of months ago now so it is time to go get measured (I have changed a *lot* over my breastfeeding years) and invest in some new bras.

So here I am.  A year older, a few kilos heavier and in a far better place than I was last year.  I have so many things to look forward to, not the least Felix starting school.  The little dude is champing at the bit to go to school, although I think the main reason is so he can wear a uniform and carry a school bag (and I think school shoes are a bit of an exciting possibility too.)  Poppy might go to childcare at some point in the year but I face that challenge with far more trepidation than Felix going to school.  If Poppy goes to childcare it will be because I am going back to day time work and therefore submitting myself to the pressures and stresses that go along with it.   All in all I think 2012 is going to be pretty good and will result in an upbeat '2012 in review' post at the end of the year. 

2011 in review

Having just returned from our Christmas holiday I am a bit pressed for blogging time.  As I have done in a previous end of year post here are my best and worst moments of 2011.

Top 5

1.  Felix started kindy and he loved it!  He likes his teachers, has made a couple of good friends and is zooming ahead in his literacy skills.  I have no concerns about him starting school in 2012 as I think he will settle in beautifully.

2.  Knitting Nancy 2.  I really enjoyed doing the Fringe exhibit again this year and had a lot of fun with the theme.  Once again I collaborated with a great group of women and I revelled in the online communications we had.

3. Finally accepting I needed help.  It was a massive weight off my shoulders to go back to my psych and admit I was not able to cope anymore and the medication she has prescribed has improved my life in a million different ways.  I am still struggling with some side effects but they are a small price to pay.

4. I'm running again.  I stopped running after Poppy was born as it was just to hard to juggle all of my commitments and I was worried I'd dry up my milk if I went back to serious exercise too soon.  Eventually I realised that running helped my mind as much as my body so I took it up again and was in fine form almost straight away.  I'm now planning to enter my first fun run and hope to do a full 10km run by the end of next year.

5. Our Christmas holiday in NSW.  It was so good to see our family again and to spend some time in a really beautiful setting.  The first part of our break was just us and the kids so they'd have time to settle in and i think that was a really good idea.  As much as I am happy here I was certainly reminded of all the things that I miss about Sydney.

Not so top 5

1.  Felix started kindy and added in yet another car trip to my day.  I do feel that I spend more time driving around dropping off and picking up kids than I do at home these days, and I suspect Poppy feels the same way.  And it has become really hard to get Poppy to give up her day nap when we go for a drive in the middle of each day and it lulls her to sleep every time. 

2.  Work.  I went back to nightfill and it damn near destroyed me.  I was constantly exhausted, all of my joints started to ache, and I lost a lot of weight.  The money was obviously the big motivator so I kept it going as long as I could, but in fact should have stopped long before.

3. The breakdown.  There is nothing like having a total meltdown in a doctors office to get things in motion.  Looking back I can see how far I had deviated from 'normal' but in the thick of it all I could see was how tired and stressed I was.  I am a lot better now but obviously still a work in progress so it will be interesting to see how much better I feel next year.

4. Hurting my knee really badly.  Sounds a bit trivial but it really did happen at the worst possible time and took far longer to heal than I expected.  I injured it by running in a way that was stupid and unnecessary and I have learned my lesson but it has made me aware of my physical failings.

5.  I don't actually have anything to put here.  I didn't lose any family members or friends, we didn't have to move, and there were no major illnesses or injuries (other than the ones mentioned above.)  All in all we had a good year and now that I am looking after myself I feel we are really doing well.

Craft in 2011

Poppy turns two.

What a wild ride this year has been!  You are my wilful baby, my headstrong and defiant child, the one who keeps me on my toes. Not only do you know what you want but you know exactly how to loudly demand it.  And now that you are talking you've found a very effective way of letting people know what is on your mind.  We though you might be a bit on the late side as far as talking went but you are speaking in 3 and 4 word sentences now so obviously you are walking your own path in that respect.

You are a child of extremes.  When you are angry you are ferocious, when you are happy you are hysterical and when you are sad the world as you know it is ending.  You love us with such intensity that it is sometimes almost too much.  You creep into our bed at night and insist on lying on my chest as though you were still a tiny baby and hug my neck so tightly that I struggle to breathe. You are hilarious and your exaggerated  movements and noises have us in hysterics.  You sing songs and dance like a maniac while you have everyone's full attention and you love every second of it.  Most of the time being around you is entertaining but there are times (such as 1am) when it is exhausting.

You finally have enough hair to brush!  I know we tend to make bald babies but your hair took forever.  Now you have a full head of delightful red curls and you are experiencing the joy of having the knots brushed out each day.  The other problem these curls bring is the unwanted attention of strangers.  You are still a very wary child and don't like people making eye contact with you let alone when they touch your beautiful curls.  You do seem to be opening up a little bit these days and only a couple of days ago you willingly hugged a person (although she has known you your whole life!)

What does the following year hold for you?  Hopefully you'll warm up to people a bit more and not fear everyone who isn't me.  You are very interested in toilet training and I have to admit I have selfishly held off starting training as I don't want to be dealing with it all during our trip over to Sydney for Christmas.  I think that when we get back you will take to it wholeheartedly and I'll have a similar experience to when Daisy trained.  I'm expecting more tantrums and that they will be bigger than they are now.  Maybe you will spend a little bit of time in childcare in the second half of the year?  I'd like to trial that but it will all depend on how much more you open up to people.  I think you'd love all of the play mates and the constant stimulation but you just aren't ready for it right now.

Happy birthday my golden haired girl.  You have turned my life upside down in the best possible way and I look forward to what this next year will bring.  Especially if you finally decide to stay in your own bed all night. 

141011

I've been gone a while, haven't I?  So many things are going wrong right now and I've been struggling with how much I share on my blog and other social media.  I give out snippets here and there on Facebook and Twitter but for the most part I just keep it to myself.  My mental health is the worst it has been in years, and I am now trialling my second medication in a month in order to deal with this. My iron levels are so low my GP called me from her holiday in order to tell me to do something about it immediately, which is both frightening and revealing. At least I now have a better understanding of why I have been so exhausted the last 6 months or so. There are so many things I need to change and I just can't find the physical and emotional energy to do it so I'm in a sort of catch 22 right now.

We're at the end of week two of the school holidays now so at least I have next week to look forward to.  As much as I dislike the three trips a day I do (for school and kindy) it will be nice to get the two older kids back to their friends and a more stimulating environment.  It's been hard work keeping them occupied and entertained and I'm clean out of enthusiasm for that.  We've been looking after the kindy chickens for the holidays so that has given us the chance to leave the house once a day, and I made up a check list for the older two so they've been able to keep track of the eggs laid, the weather each day and even the mail that we have been collecting.  Poppy will of course be devastated by the loss of her partners in crime (& constant source of entertainment) but that will pass in time. The house has been a total bomb site while the kids have all been home so I will be having a major tidy up/throw out/reorganise next week.  Well I'll at least think about it and write a lot of lists anyway. Whether I have any energy to do anything is another matter.

Work has been awful.  New management has led to a sense of anger and frustration amongst most of the staff and it seems nightfill has copped the brunt of this. I am quite good at dealing with office politics and have had my fair share of terrible bosses but it is much harder when you are on the bottom rung so to speak. A casual worker in an unskilled menial job is pretty much as low as you can go and I am not used to being/feeling so powerless. Having an illness that I can't/wont talk about at work is also tough and I just don't think I am going to make it through to Christmas like I originally planned.

In an effort to keep going with my wardrobe change I made myself a skirt.  I picked up some charcoal grey linen from Spotlight at half price and then used a great Nicole Mallalieu pattern that I have seen lots of happy blog entries about. I also used a Coles Myer voucher my inlaws gave me for my birthday to buy a pair of shoes that would go nicely with all these skirts and dress I seem to be acquiring lately, so watch out world!

I have a few other craft projects on the go (and completed) but they are gifts for people so I shall keep them under wraps until I have actually handed them over.

I am looking forward to this new medication having a positive effect on me.  I am looking forward to supplements and an adjusted diet having a positive effect on my iron levels.  I am looking forward to the new school term and the positive effect it will have on the tidiness of this house. Let's just hope all of that happens sooner rather than later.

210911

It's my birthday today but really it's just like any other day. School run, kindy run, chores and gardening.  At least I'm not working tonight so I'll consider that a birthday treat. :)

Chris and the kids gave me an apple tree as a present, and specifically bought one suited to a pot so it can move with us from house to house.

I also decided to take action on my clothing situation.  The skirt I ordered on etsy arrived and I actually like it, which was a surprise.  Sorry about the crappy photo but there is only one full length mirror in the house and that is in the play room.

And because I was on a bit of a roll I decided to make a dress for myself too.  Donna passed on a pattern to me which had a dress that was a bit retro and had the potential to look quite cute.  I had my reservations as I felt it would hang on me like a sack and I prefer my clothes to be fitted but I gave it a go anyway.  I used a vintage sheet I had in my collection (rather than waste money on 1.5m of fabric for a dress I wont ever wear) and put it together.  I kind of love the fabric - it is wild and really really soft - but the cut of the dress just doesn't flatter me.  I had to modify the pattern heavily just to get to the point where I would bother trying it on and I still feel it is too shapeless.  I doubt I'll wear it out of the house but it'll make a nice house dress I think, all soft and loose and comfy.

Anyway I'm going to consider it a step in the right direction and to continue searching for a dress style that I like and that flatters my figure too. I think I have finally settled into my post breastfeeding shape now so even if I focus on my fitness more from now on I'm not going to change much in that respect (strong core muscles and decent cardio fitness are my goals at the moment.)

210811

I've been reading around the blogosphere about what kind of uniform we all wear, and because I tend to read mostly Mama blogs it is the uniform we wear for the school run.  I think the fact that school is going back in the US and the seasons are changing are spurring some of us to think about what we wear each day and whether we need to do something about it.  I'm not so concerned about what is flattering or what is fashionable but I do wonder whether I have set myself into a creative rut by not putting much interest into what I wear each day. I did blog about this quite a while back but I can't find the post so I'll recap by describing what I wear every day. A long sleeved striped top, a Vneck sweater and jeans.  Seriously.  That's it.  In warmer weather I move to a plain t-shirt (usually Vneck) and 3/4 pants.  No skirts and definitely no dresses (mainly because breastfeeding whilst wearing a dress is just about impossible, especially in public. ) In order to shake myself out of this I ordered a super gorgeous skirt from etsy and it will hopefully arrive just in time for my birthday, and I am determined to give it a good solid wearing before I make a decision on whether I like it or not.  Skirts either ride up constantly or make my hips look way larger than they actually are or restrict my stride, so I've got a lot of skirt wearing 'issues' to get over.

I've almost finished the cardigan I have been knitting for Poppy.  It just needs three buttons and a final blocking and then I'll hopefully be able to get her to wear it a few times before the weather warms up permanently.

 Our peas are all ripening and we are savouring their sweetness while they last. The plum tree is covered in blossoms and the pear tree appears to be waking up too so there is the promise of fruit just on the horizon. Chris has cleared a part of the back yard that gets a decent amount of sun so I might put in some tomatoes and see how they go.  It isn't full sun all day though so I'm not 100% sure if they thrive or not.  But really the most successful plants in our garden are the bloody vines, especially the ivy and morning glory.  It has been so wet the last month or so and everything unwelcome in our garden has gone nuts so if I don't do something soon we're going to be overrun.

Daisy went as Pearlie to her Book Week parade this year.  We went through all her Pearlie books and she shortlisted the outfits she liked, and then I let her know which ones I was actually prepared to sew.  Eventually we went for the outfit in Pearlie and the Silver Fern Fairy and I think she looked pretty cute.

Once again I have had this draft blog post sitting around for ages and I still don't have the time to finish it off properly.  I'll sign off now and come back to talk about all the other stuff I am doing later.